its weird these days
I havent blogged in forever and I feel like I've cheated my fellow man by NOT doing so, the thoughts im given are not for my own personal thinking but to be shared with the masses

its a great life

there is no longer a man here, simply a pile of plasma and carbon based nigger.
ouch

I dreamed a dream of the world to be
and now that dream is gone from me
with snares and traps to keep me still
the bright of the yellow to bend my will
with ageless whispers and windows of stone
i find a place to call my own
but never a love to call my home
alone

...busy as hellhey look ma, color!!!

I could easily fall in love these days.


I'm remembering what it means to simply BE a photographer for the purity of the art and that for me means being closer and closer to a sense of future. a sense of me

I'm ready to build a family
have more kids
push forward
be the destiny of the idea I was born to be

I tire of wanting something that everyone else obviously does not
I want love to love me back
I want to walk in the snow holding hands
I want a house full of kids
I want a white colonial house in new england, where the weather actually shows all 4 seasons
I want a minivan and a soccer dad sticker in the back

why have we become so complicated? why do we want to put love on a timetable rather than just letting it happen? have we become so fucking afraiid of LOSING ourselves to somethinng that we just shut down altogether? can we not just LOVE anymore?

damn.

I realize that I'm probably too simple for those around me, because those around me want too damn much. Im a simple guy. Give me food and shelter and a camera annd I'll find the reasons why I smile. I want my joy back, I want the innosence of my youth back. I watch kids and I see so much in them that we have LOST trying so hard to present ourselves spartans and not simply citizens.

I want my kids to live.

Its the only reason I have survived for so long, the onnly reason why I even get up on some days is because THEY need to keep that Joy. They NEED ME to be a father who shows love. a father who returns hate with love and pain with pleasure. They need to see the actions of a real man. The man that my fatther never was and never is going to be.

I want my kids to love the world as I do. I want my kids to be more than just people.

theres a snag between us, shes not affectionate and I am overly so
how the...
*sigh

hear with me now the echoes in the darkness
of the boy that dreams of stars
he kisses tommorrows fears away with a love
he will never be able to call his own
and still between the rage and furled brows
he manages to be made a better lover by time
God, forever faithful
a fantasy of her and him reside at the back of his mind
flirting with futures long slender legs
as if to speak her name and say
"hello, I love you"
quite a taste the words and verbs combine to produce
as her imperfections speak of the perfections sought after
in the days of his youth
is the site of her enough to excite the bright light of her
and help her heal the passing storms
rocking and rolling on a billowing sea
his words calms the rage within himself
as the principles on which these very moments were founded proves
that GOD has always been watching
not telescoping or telephoto but rather telepathic and telephonal
calling out to me
hey
I
Love
You

I can between words and verbs
pronounce your love an adjective
adds meaning to who i am
to what i say, adds flavor
a taste of your lips to savor
between negotiating and asking for plastic
because i dont want to waste paper
as a simple day becomes something more tense
a heated night under the sheets
makes the taste become a red hot burn
minus the wings
love and kiss and death a way to see through
these little breaths
licking all over
these beautiful breasts
a teacher type just like my momma
id gladly let you stay if you wanna
but you're already halfway to the door
shoes here, body there
the smells and shadows of the echoes of the yells
everywhere
sweet poison lady bit my crazy ass
and left my crazy ass alone